Let's go out so I can watch you interact with your phone.

Sharon Struthers

Have you ever been out with a friend who seemed more interested in their phone than in you? This happened to me twice last week. I was not amused. And we're not millennials. We're boomers, for God's sake. Just goes to show you how addictive these dumb smart phones can be if you're not mindful when you're using them.

Where did our manners go? Why would anyone think it's okay to text at a table in a restaurant? Or check email? Or leave you hanging to make a non-urgent call? What is the message? You're not that interesting - maybe there's something better here on my phone?

The second time it happened, my friend actually got upset by something she read in a work email and took it out on a third friend who was having dinner with us. It was out of the blue. On the way home, when she admitted that it was the email that upset her and that's why she lashed out, I suggested that she could stay in the present moment and check email later when she was alone. She got defensive and said it only took a few minutes, refusing to acknowledge the repercussions of those few minutes. Prior to the table incident, she had sat in the parking lot checking her phone, while I sat in the passenger seat, feeling alone, waiting for her to finish. And no, she was not expecting any important emails or messages nor is she in a position where she might be needed to make critical decisions at any moment.

The weekend before, another friend had invited me to go to an outdoor concert in the city. We boarded the ferry and she soon started texting. I looked out the window and enjoyed the crossing though I had been looking forward to talking to her as it had been a while. After we walked to the outdoor concert and found a place to sit, she excused herself to make a phone call and left me on my own for a big part of the concert. At intermission, I asked her if there had been an emergency. She said no, that she was texting and talking with her friends back in her home state, planning activities for her trip home that was still two weeks away.

What's going on here? Both friends justified their behavior when gently asked about it. Neither seemed to consider whether it was okay to ignore the people you're with while you engage with the people on your phone.

The present moment is now. Be where you are. Be with who you are there with. The emails, the texts, the plans can wait. Can you?